Imi's Final Reflections from Whitehorse

I have just undergone a defining and significant event in my life. What exhilaration to know that severe visual impairments need not have to come in way of relishing the wild and roughing it. My gratitude to Howard is immense. Let me first say a few words about Howard, before discussing my overall experience of this canoe trip.

Two strangers meeting on a lonesome road few miles out of a small town of River Falls becomes the start of a great adventure. He was willing to try out taking responsibility of a person seriously handicapped on a potentially dangerous expedition. And I had to make a decision to put my life and safety in the hands of a man whom I hardly knew, and whose river skills, canoeing experience and ability, I had not witnessed. Here I for the first time had to confront an aspect of my character, that actually was a weakness, but that I had till now believed was my strength. I wanted to always be self sufficient, self reliant, in control of my own destiny, and never in need of others, but nevertheless enjoying of other’s company. I guess I have always been somewhat a loner, though I am affable and in good terms with all around me. But now I will have to seriously depend on another human being for my safety and wellbeing. This trip has taught me that it is strength to put trust in other humans and to let oneself be beholden to our friends. It is strength to tell your fellow being: “Brother, I need your help. And without you I could never have had this great experience!” It is a testament to Howard’s generosity and adventurousness to make this daring journey with me.
And what a journey it has been!

How I relished the vast openness and wildness of Yukon! Blindness has four potentially debilitating drawbacks, and this adventure acted as a remedy to each of them:

Firstly, blindness constricts. Vision of far-reaching spaces gives one the feeling of vastness and of immensity. But in this trip I gradually built a conception of vast spaces, of openness and of immensity. In the sounds o the wind, of the many seagulls, ducks and crows, and the constant rippling of the great river I experienced vastness.

Secondly, blindness isolates. Just as eyes are a window to human souls, so also are eyes the windows to the glorious world of color and of the vast and variegated world. But in this trip I was pulled out of my own self by the sounds and sensations of wild and free nature.

Thirdly blindness can be alienating. It is difficult for a blind person to fully participate with what is happening all around him. Never have I felt so much at home as when I was camping and canoeing on the Yukon River.

Fourthly, blindness is discouraging and demoralizing. One is always conscious of the limitations imposed upon us by low vision, especially in a world so visual as ours. What inspires and encourages humans is consciousness of one’s power. I pitched my own tent, packed my own stuff, and did my share of hard canoeing. I faced the hardships, and did it well.
In summary, this trip reminded me of what I could do, and not what I was incapable of doing.

Thanks to all of you for your amazing support, I was overwhelmed.

Imitiaz.

Howard's Reflections from Whitehorse, Yukon.

From Whitehorse:


What an experience the past few weeks with Imi has been, one that way surpassed my expectations in so many dimensions…., but one that also humbled me in many ways.
I remember back to the first day on Lake Lebarge, when I realized that we really didn’t know each other, and how a huge, and how a huge amount could go wrong in the next two weeks. With the trip now behind us, I can honestly say that I can’t think of anything that went wrong, and how everything went right. There was a wonderful chemistry fit, a unique life experience diversity, yet overlap, a river skill fit, and a common outdoor adventure ethic. It may come as a shock and a surprise to many, but neither of us used an inch of toilet paper, not a milligram of soap on the trip, making us the most eco friendly expedition on the river! As testimony to our common approach, this was just the way we both chose to go, it was the natural thing to do… There were no questions asked! Our views on life and philosophy were sometimes so aligned I thought I’d found my very, unlikely, twin. (Now that’s a scary thought!) There were other times where our views clashed but even in the hours of passionate debate we never got angry, nor felt threatened, and to me Imi was a caring equal, like me enjoying the free, open and yet caring debates. Paddling time on the river was never a chore, some days we spent 8 hours paddling, and I never heard Imi ask for a break, say he was tired, or indicate he wasn’t enjoying it. The paddling was so natural to both of us, it was often the source of meditation in between the passionate debates. Somehow we were both so in tune with each other on when we wanted alone time, and when we wanted team time, this was so liberating in its naturalness. There was this serene feeling of equality, in what many would think would have been a very unequal, carer / patient type relationship.

Well, I sit here in Whitehorse, reflecting on the truly special experience of the past few weeks. A day back in civilization, walking the streets of Whitehorse and dealing with the complexities of urban life, has made me understand some of what Imi talks about in his post below. It is very humbling stuff, and has made me feel so unappreciative of my ‘normal’ life, and the options, freedom, and autonomy it provides. What would Imi, give to have those back…? But, having spent all this time with him, I realize he doesn’t look there, he looks for what he has got, and only looks for contentment within that…..
I can see how these suburban complexities, have changed his life, his sense of freedom, and oneness with nature and the outdoor environment, that we experienced on the river. Even for me, this abrupt change is always difficult to deal with, and over the past seven years I have tried to create a life where the outdoors are normal life, and the cities and ‘civilisation’ are the holidays and excursions. But the extent of this lifestyle change for me fades into significance as I see the huge, and scary day to day life challenges it poses for Imi.
There was a quantum and almost instant reduction of his mobility as we took our first steps into Dawson City. I sensed it straight away, and had it affected our relationship, we went from a sense of team oneness with nature and the environment to one where we both felt so clumsy and I had this helpless inside me, as I struggled for my own re-entry survival, but felt deeply responsible for Imi’s re-entry and loss of immobility. Imi, being the ultimate seeker of self sufficiency tried to help me not feel his pain, but it was extremely hard, and made me feel pretty sad. The city had made us lose our equality, and somehow I could see that the city not only held no value for Imi, but created negative value, yet here I was as a sighted person desiring to explore the many visual attractions it offered. I was forced to go into his world and think about what it would be like to be a blind person in a foreign town, on my own without a guide? Hmmm, that was scary, so scary in fact I tried to deny that anyone could live with that restraint. I could see that a new urban environment for someone like Imi, can quickly become a lonely dungeon, full of traps and hazards, but empty of meaning and purpose. The river provided exactly the opposite, and I was seeing the huge chasm with my own eyes and Imi’s experience in a new town, when virtually all the exploring is visual based. The value in life was limited to trusted human contact, or trying to find a sanctuary of alone peace somewhere in the city.
On the river, Imi and I had discussed for many hours the concept of an Inner Life, and how important it is that we all have an inner life, as distinct from one that depends on others, and other things. Having spent a lot of alone time myself, I understand the need and value of this Inner Life, but here in Dawson, I saw how critical it is for a blind person to have a strongly anchored, content, inner life. Imi’ shared with me that he spends a huge amount of time in his inner life, and finds huge peace, spirituality, and self actualization within it. I wonder how many of us, have this strong inner life? In my solo travels, I have met many who have openly stated their fear being alone, yet without being alone one cannot create an inner life. Modern society, and the continual striving for social interaction and belonging seems to provide so many opportunities for external distraction that allow us to avoid the need to build this inner life. As I spoke through all this with Imi, both on the river and in Dawson, I sensed that through his strong inner life, he has a deep sense of personal power that provides contentment in the seemingly vacant, black, vision less, dungeon. Many judge those who seek to be spend a lot of time alone as weirdoes or people missing something, but in my solo pursuits, and Imi’s inner life example, I wonder whether those lacking an inner life, and not desiring of time alone, rather seeking life’s distractions are actually the weirdoes and those missing something?? Being with Imi, and seeing how he deals with his disability seems to confirm the latter…….
Lastly, in adventure we were able to come together as equals, and in the inspiring, simple, and yet challenging environment Nature provided, we two, significantly different, virtual strangers were able to come together closer than most ever get, and become unlikely equal partners. Sadly, this was only possible in Nature and the wilderness though, and the challenge to extend this experience to others and to broader horizons is what I take away from Whitehorse……

Thank you for your support, we both really valued it, and hope you take away at least one small thought of value to your own lives.

Till my next adventure….see ya!

Howard

Some Pics from the river adventure......

A typical tranquil river scene, with a beaver swimming across the river. It wasn't always like this though....




The all too common afternoon thunderstorm on the brew....Canoe empty, tents erected, and ready for the down pour.



Howard's view most days.... Note how brown the river is here vs pic above!


















A curious moose as we paddle past....
















The inquisitive porcupine who in fleeing from us, escaped up this tree



First campsite at the end of Lake Lebarge. We found this useful axe, and had a great campfire!
















Imi, just having completed yet another, unassited, solo tent erection! The world record time was to come later....









Our Yukon River navigation map! (Actually a cool place mat from Carmacks Hotel Restaurant!)


An example of the natural beauty of the Yukon River.

















Imi standing at the edge of our smallest campsite island... There was just enough room for both our tents.















Five Fingers Rapids from the road on the drive back from Dawson. Nothing too serious as you can see.....




The Other side of the trip.... Non nature, but still natural, well for Howard!:

Behind the Bar counter, taking over Carmacks Hotel Pub.

















Cool Dude enjoying a well deserved meal at the rustic, Gold Panner's Restaurant, Carmacks. This was at our only stopover.










Dawson City Sin.... Better than a "Sour Toe", whisky cocktail though!

Our Arrival in Dawson City

Just on 11am we 'crossed the finish line' here at the iconic town of Dawson City.

I say finish line, as finally the racers did catch us and there was an official finish line, timekeepers and all, but we seemed to be strange participants who stopped just before the line, and "weren't even interested in their time...!"

We had been on a different journey though....a very special 15 days that will remain etched in both of our memories forever....They had been on a sleep deprived race to get there first. Both were no doubt triumphant in their chosen challenge.

The last two days were characterized by wild weather. On Friday when we left we would have put big money on a blue sky day, but two hours later we were in heavy thunderstorm conditions, verging on hail. I saw this as nature providing her final challenge that would make this adventure an even greater personal triumph. Team decision saw us take a brief sun patch opportunity and cut today's paddling short and seek refuge...! As fate had it the afternoon turned wonderful, providing us each with some good personal reflection time, next to the river.

Late afternoon, the first racers started coming through, breaking our special, solitary wilderness. By midnight it was raining again, and deciding on our first early morning start we woke at 5am excited about the 36 kilometre, 'final straight', paddle to Dawson... Far from straight the river had many channels and twists, and for the first time on the trip my navigation saw us get pushed onto a midstream, exposed tree trunk, spinning the canoe around, and there, to my embarrassment, we were going backwards down the river... At least we both laughed about it, as it happened....

Paddling next to a steep, rocky river cliff, I was surprised to see two seagulls come out to torment us, with loud cries, dive bombing and general aggressive behaviour. This continued for 500 metres, and then the mystery was solved: We caught up to their two weeks old chicks bobbing in the water as we sped past. Not happy that our threat had passed the parents escorted us for the next 800m. In the water, one either side off the bow of our canoe they stayed 10 metres in front till we were way out of sight of their chicks...

The approach to Dawson was full of emotion as I painted the picture for Imi, both of us sharing our different, yet similar perspectives of just how special the trip had been....

Dawson seems quite a town..... Something from a Hollywood wild west movie and we look forward to exploring its unique offerings....

The most gross of which is the "Sour toe" whisky drink. This consists of a human big toe, doused in Yukon Jack, the delicious local, liquor whisky. Hmm, initially I thought this was just a long story, but apparently it's all for real.... We shall explore, and report back! We both agreed that we won't be having one though..!

Imi's, from Dawson, Reflective Insight:

Heroic Love Today

Should we sacrifice all to eradicate human poverty as perhaps Mother Theresa, Ghandi, and Jesus would want us to do? But providing for good living for billions would result in depleted and degraded earth.

Our love should consist in leaving a fragrant and radiant earth so that future humanity can leave inspired lives. Some may object that unless people are fed and are well off they cannot be inspired.
I can concede that for many material well-being takes precedence over beauty.

I guess my love for humanity is my love for those heroic humans who would rather live simple, poor lives in the midst of a world shimmering with beauty.
Imi

We plan on putting up one final 'wrap up' post over the next few days, and will email the follower list once this is up....I think Imi's specific reflections on the whole trip, will be something very special.

Hope you have been able to get something of value, no matter how small, from our adventure.

H + I

Moose, Bear, it’s not over yet…

Yesterday we spent just over 6 hours on the river and covered about 60 river kilometres. Yes, just 65 kilometres to Dawson now and our plan is to get to within 10-15 kilometres today, so we have a morning arrival on Saturday. Last night around the campfire we were both reflecting with some sadness the approaching end to this special adventure for both of us. But it's not over yet....

Our camp is right on the river bank, which has a narrow clay based, grass verge before thick impenetrable bush. This morning at around 5am I was woken by this loud commotion in the water, just near my tent. On peering through the tent door, I was presented with a real close up of a mother moose and her calf just off the river bank standing in the water. Grabbing the video I headed outside, the mother now 15 metres away, turned to face me, and aggressively snorting. We both stood our ground, the video rolling, and then she turned away, and they both started walking further upstream. Nice way to start the day, especially after it had been raining most of the night.

This weather is so changeable. Yesterday in the morning we had perfect blue, cloudless sky, by midday we were dealing with a full on thunder shower. By 5pm we had sauna conditions in our tents, to the point we both swam in the river to cool down. Dinner weather was just great, and then two hours into bed, the rain starts, and continues through the night...There is a low cloud / mist on the river now, so not sure what lies ahead for today!

Yesterday's river trip was the most interesting yet. We had three major river confluences, first the White, the Stewart, then the smaller 60 Mile River. These rivers have added huge volume, and width to the river, changing its character noticeably.

The silt level is amazing, with the water now a strong brown colour, 'overflowing' with suspended sediment that is visible as a murky, turbid pattern on the surface. The noise of the silt grinding the fiberglass hull of the canoe is frequently very loud needing us to elevate our voices to hear each other. The river current seems largely faster, and log piles of tree stumps are everywhere, seemingly forming collection stations for later in the season.

The confluence with the White River was impressive, as within a few hundred metres the river just widened out to a couple of kilometres and more, with sand bars, trees, and pockets of rapids all randomly placed in the vast meeting basin of the two rivers.

I saw our second bear yesterday, unfortunately fairly high up on a river side hill slope, as we paddled. So, all in all, a good wild life sighting day.

As usual we had much lively debate in between special moments of solitude in the wonderful river wilderness.

On a non-wilderness, amusing note, we did pass a three canoe expedition, beached on a river bank, taking a break. The one guy shouted out to us as we 'sped' by: "Are you guys in the race?" The annual Whitehorse to Dawson canoe / kayak race started on the 29th, but even though the leading kayakers are much faster than us, no competitors have reached us yet, and so I responded: "Yes, and I think we are in 1st place at the moment....!" We passed them too quickly for me to hear their no doubt admiring response!

Imi's Reflective Insights of the day:

The Paradox: Helplessness in the face of Nature is the foundation of the highly valued human autonomy.

Until recently humans relied primarily on nature's resourcefulness to overcome challenges like disease, injury, sickness, etc. For the first time we believe we can manipulate, direct, and even replace nature by means of technology and medicine.

Nature works slow and through a ruthless process of natural selection. Technology and modern medicine can benefit far more people, far more rapidly, but it comes at a price:

Soon not only our bodies, but even our brains will need the crutch of medical and technological interventions to sustain themselves.

The height of human enslavement and servitude is when our brains become almost human artifices, (human made products), as a result of these interventions. Only dependence on wild nature will ensure our autonomy.

Simple living in rugged, robust, wild nature is our salvation. Our fate in the vast possibilities of nature requires that we see the richness that nature has achieved, like rich eco systems with a vast diversity of natural life. In a depleted and degraded world we lose faith in the rich possibilities of nature.

In a world highly dependent on technology we lose the very thing we value, the source of triumph and real personal power, true autonomy.

Imi....

Pack up time..... The low cloud has been burnt off by the heightening sun, another blue sky start on the river waits....what will the day bring today...

H + I

Ready to Move Again…

We must have been supposed to stay on our island the two nights, because late morning after the rain based decision was behind us, it cleared up to be a great afternoon. It was one of those 'boy to boy' inspirational chat days, so sorry nothing for the blog, unless you have that special paid, premium membership...! Haha....
It was a very special day, the ones that only happen when the wilderness and timelessness come together in an environment of trust, to allow freedom of thought and speech.

It would seem the day's chats inspired Imi to new heights, here is his Reflection Insight for the day:

Metaphysical Musings on the Innocence of Nature and Might being right.

The innocence of Nature is displayed by the predominance of the healthy and mighty in wild nature. Rats, cockroaches, fungi in filthy, crowded, cities, but not in wild, rugged nature. Wild nature reveals splendid specimens of health and strength, like the bears and moose, lions and tigers, eagles and swans. In the human world innocence is lacking because the weak through wiles and cunning, through technology and money can win and predominate.

Nature has a moral lesson for us:

Might is indeed right, but real might, real strength, real fitness, real self reliance, not the right that comes with cunning and artifice.

I do not condemn wars and battles if laws of chivalry enable those truly mighty to win. Our wars are depraved because even the weak in body and spirit can win out.

Imi....

It's a glorious cloudless, blue sky morning, pretty cold though...those clouds do have use! We both can't wait to get back on the river...6-7 hours paddling ahead, and no doubt a few stories for you tomorrow ....

Finally, we received lots of feedback on the moose story...Thanks, and glad it moved so many, making connections with your lives. I guess the whole story was metaphorical, in reliving for Howard, his solo, 'Simply Adventure' journey 'down the river' that started in 2004, when he sold up and left Sydney for a wandering adventure life! (Just in case you thought he was losing it, in thinking animals were creatures with higher level vision and desire!)

More tomorrow, maybe even a meeting with that moose to confirm her mission....!

H + I

A Day in Bed Thinking…!

Yeah, I bet with all the philosophical stuff 'we' have been throwing out, you wouldn't believe we needed more thinking time...! Well Mother Nature, disagreed and 'forced' us back into our thinking spaces... We awoke to a coldish, grey rainy morning, and being ahead of 'schedule' Imi suggested we stay in the comfort of 'our' temporarily claimed island, for 24 hours. I must say I was a bit challenged, as bowing down to the weather seems to go against the spirit of adventure, and secondly 24 hours in a tent can be challenging! He soon convinced me that not moving had lots of pluses, so here we are a day of rest....not really in bed, as I write, 3pm this is nice sunshine!

The rain has been interspersed with periods of almost sunshine that have provided us with opportunity for attending to a few jobs, and also lively discussion. The one discussion relating to spending 'a day in bed'! We have been debating the need for an adventure end goal and time limit, with Imi saying these are potentially un-Zen like as they can move the focus away from the now of the journey, to only the end goal. I made the observation that without these end goals one may be tempted to stay in bed every time it rains, and thereby missing the personal triumph of dealing with the adversity of the cold and rain. Yes one would be more comfortable, but more content.....? A good debate he said, this is what the great paradox of pleasure is about! Right, no more questions to me (Howard) as to why I do these and harder adventures....they are pleasure, ok!

Yesterday's canoeing time brought some more surprises and special experiences:

We passed very close to a female moose standing on the river edge. For those that don't know these animals can weigh up to 500kgs and can be pretty ferocious. Only when we were 10 metres off did she noisily take off and run through the bush, providing Imi with a real good audio experience that enabled us to better share the encounter. So much so that hours later in the campsite, he remarked how great the moose experience was. An hour after the moose I saw our first bear, an adult black bear, on the mountain slope rising out of the river. Just nice to have seen one out here! This time it was sad to see how the distance and lack of audio connection almost excluded Imi from the encounter and almost making me feel I should have keep it secretive....Hmmm, tough reminders!

The weather on the river was very changeable, with often a strong headwind making for challenging progress, even with the river flow. Each day I have been saying how many more islands there are than the day before, and yesterday set another new record! They make for interesting river flow patterns, and yesterday we had our first real running aground. A shallow channel forced us both out to push the canoe a few hundred metres. Who is that poor navigator....?

Imi's Reflective Insight:

Rigours of Wild Nature vs Human Mercy

I desire a world where brave autonomous, self reliant, free spirits, win out over envious, cunning persons of low integrity. That's why we need vast open wilderness.....!

I hear my opponents shouting: "How dare you say this as a blind man. Social justice requires that even those that are weak, hurting, downtrodden and lost should have equal opportunity to thrive and flourish."

My response to this will require that we temporarily accept Kurtwiel's thesis in his book, "The Singularity is Now". Here he declares that computers will soon be able to mimic and enormously enhance human brain capacities, as well as reinforce body immunity, organ functions etc. Social justice would require that humans be provided financial assistance to install such computers if individuals desire and in the process become "cyborgs", with greatly enhanced human capacity. But the decision to become a "cyborg" is depravity and loss of autonomy, even if it provides much needed assistance to the weak and downtrodden.

No matter how harsh and merciless is wild nature, confronting its challenge as naked as possible is our only route to real autonomy. Let humans be kind and helpful to each other, but let the world be wild, rugged and natural to facilitate this path to autonomy.

Imi.....

It is such a privilege to have an adventure partner like Imi, who appreciates the many dimensions of adventure in the wilds, often helping me to bring clarity of thought to some of my own life puzzle conflicts. It's not in his agreement, nor his disagreement, but in the honesty and openness of our discussions, where the truths are personally exposed. The Yukon River has facilitated this....

We have just 140 kilometres to Dawson now, and there are probably two and a half days on the river left.... Hmmm, not sure how I feel with the prospects of 'normal' life so soon awaiting us...

Look forward to Imi's 'whole Adventure' reflections that will be a full on personal post by him only, and a few days after our arrival in Dawson.

Bye for now

H + I

Change of Routine Brings New Experiences

Short blog today...!

It's 10am and we are both still in bed, Imi asleep...! Lazy boys, or tired ones...?

The latter. We went ahead with our 'through the night' plan, ending up paddling from 10pm to 4 30am. Yesterday around midday, after a short paddle, we took the opportunity to use a marked campsite on the map, so we could have an afternoon sleep as we prepared our mind and bodies for the routine change.

With a shaded tent area, old cabin from the mining days, the campsite initially appeared perfect, but this was the start of the biggest mosquito war seen for decades! Being our first non-island camp, and the fact that we were there during midday / early afternoon made it worse. I guess the mozzies did force us into our tents, which is where we were supposed to be for sleep. I was woken with a strange animal noise and rustling near my tent. I bolted outside to find a sizeable porcupine scuffling off, and climbing the nearest tree to 'safety'.

Earlier in the day, while paddling, we were treated to a flyover by six trumpeter swans, in formation and even trumpeting so Imi could enjoy the experience.

The evening's paddle was full of variety and challenges. The weather was all over the place. We started in perfectly still, but cloudy conditions, and it was just special being out in the low light of midnight. We then had everything from strong spiraling winds, confused by the high and close mountain terrain, to rain and dense fog. It also got pretty cold making our food breaks short and functional. It never got night dark, and with all the cloud we missed the moon, but did have quite a few beaver encounters. They must be early risers.... One dived off the river bank only to surface right next to Imi in the canoe. Surprised and shocked it gave a huge tail kick, dowsing Imi as it hurriedly swam away...

Around 4am, I suggested we find a camp spot, and with our objective accomplished, I was not in disagreement that a warm sleeping bag would be a good option! So here we are....

We plan to set off paddling again at around 1pm today, so Dawson City, its saloons and high life is getting rapidly closer...

Cheers for now

H + I

A Short, Hot, Windless Day Produces a Special ‘Moose’ Moment!

Thanks for the email responses, encouragement, and great to get the questions the questions to Imi, which are responded to at the end of this posting

A late start to our paddling day (see the technology section below), so a short day of 40 river kilometres, some 4 and a half hours on the river, in real hot, windless conditions. The river was the widest it's ever been, flow was slow, and there were the most islands we had experienced. The familiar, steep sand cliff river banks have been largely replaced by basalt rock, almost crash barrier like features, signally the transition from the ice age glacial domination to the volcanic lava overlay. This river bank terrain change been abruptly impressive.

The colour of the river water has changed from green to brown, being heavily silt laden to the point that we often hear the grinding noise of the silt as it scours the canoe hull.

We passed our first significant settlement since Carmacks, the riverside village of Fort Selkirk, which consisted of a few farm houses, a church and wilderness cottages, with a recreational boat ramp. It all seemed out of place out here, and made Imi's questions of the previous blog posting all the more relevant.

Each day we have seen two kayakers on the river, an Oregon, USA, husband and wife team we met in Carmacks, who like us are heading for Dawson City. While they do go slightly faster than us, we still seem to see each other each day. I always head down a side channel to protect our wilderness solitude.

With the intense heat of the day, we felt a repeat of the day before's thunderstorm building. This one seemed more extensive driving our decision to end the day's paddling early and set up camp before the deluge. As it turned out the broader extent of this grey, cumulus, cloud build up, was the demise of the storm, as the extensive cloud, put an end to the oppressive heat that was fueling the storm build up. So we were spared just a few droplets that keep us in our tents for only a short time.

Before having to take refuge, as I enjoyed our campsite's river vista, in the distant upstream I saw what appeared to be a moose head coming down the river. As it got closer, I confirmed it was an adult female, seemingly happily swimming with the flow travelling downstream in the middle of the second major channel of the river. She passed right by my tent, turning her head from left to right in an apparently very content exploring way. She stayed midstream, once moving towards one bank to have a closer look, but then heading back to the faster midstream. She had travelled two kilometres by the time I lost sight of her, leaving me surprisingly emotional and overwhelmed. In the new rain enforced solitude of my tent, the reason for this reaction unfolded. This moose took me back to 2004 in my life, the year I sold up everything and left Sydney on the hugest adventure of my life, in search of 'another life'. This moose was doing the very same, but much more radically. In jumping into the river much higher upstream, she had decided to embark on a one way, solo adventure, cutting ties with all the familiarities, belonging, freedoms and constraints of her territory in search of a new life, in a yet to be discovered new place, where she would initially have no belonging, and no familiarities. As I thought back to her exploring attitude, head moving side to side enjoying the passing scenery, as a 'fellow wanderer', I couldn't help but relate to her huge sense of freedom, excitement, yet apprehension, and how so vibrantly alive she must feel.

Had she walked away from a partner, maybe even her offsprings, would she ever land in a place where she would meet another partner, would she find something better than she had? It wasn't about these things; it was about the adventure journey, and the sense of freedom and exploring the unknown. The unknown lies ahead, but in that unknown lies such richness of experience, and in the solo journey down the river ones identity with only oneself and one's sense of purpose and self worth are paramount. With the journey and its inevitable challenges these inner anchors will increase in stature as the adventure takes its course. I may have read too far into this moose's mission, but I honestly doubt it, she just had all the mannerisms of the wandering adventurer I so intimately know.

Unlike me in 2004, she had left without a laptop, sat phone, she had truly cut ties with her previous world, and was truly solo....maybe an even richer experience than I'll never get to have. For many it would seem like a lonely mission of defeat, but is a mission that delivers huge personal power, uncomparative freedom, with no expense or harm to others, a mission of defeat? I sense it's a mission of triumph.

Today, we ARE implementing our through the night paddle. Enabling us to avoid the camp problems of the previous attempt, I found an apparently good site on our map, some 18 kilometres from here. A short paddle there, we'll sleep the afternoon, and set off paddling around 10 or 11 pm, through sunset and sunrise to 7am. It should be fun...!

Imi's Reflection Insights

"The Rewilding Amendment.....Should we go for it?

What I call the Rewilding Amendment could take us back to the Earth in its ancient glory. It has three elements:

1. The rural / urban bill: Dense, fully developed urban centres with vast tracts of undeveloped wilderness surrounding them, without roads, electricity and other infrastructure connecting it,

2. Conservation measures: Very light, battery powered, personal motor vehicles that can't exceed 50 km/h, and other such measures.

3. The Land Act: Elimination of traditional industrial farming. Use of modern technology for hydroponic vegetables. Meats cultured in multistoried greenhouse laboratories, replacing farms which go back to wilderness.

Would you reject the Rewilding Amendment on the basis that it restricts civil liberties and imposes harsh measures on all of us, or do you think some such amendments will be necessary in the foreseeable future?"

These big questions aside, I had a 'now' development conflict to deal with yesterday:

Technology, technology, technology...Hmm, I do really struggle with the dilemma: I'm here in the wilderness, and through, fairly basic yet amazing technology, we are able to 'talk'' live everyday to you... Well it's not as easy out here in the wilds as it is in 'normal land', and sometimes one's 'normal land' expectations make one impatient, frustrated and unappreciative of how lucky 'we' are to be able to even email you from here. Yesterday, our 'start paddle' time was delayed by two hours because of technology! Fortunately, unlike normal ‘land' life, time is almost free out here, no deadlines, no alarms, no norms, no routines, just deal with the immediacies of the now and how we feel. Well, this brings us face to face with our very selves and our responses free of external moldings. Yesterday, after 1 hour of typing up the blog on my PDA, I was half way through typing Imi's dictation to me and the PDA screen froze, and yes, I hadn't saved it. A necessary reboot revealed I'd lost all the content, and to add to the pain, I'd wasted the scarce AA battery power that fueled those almost two hours of typing! I was angry at the wasted effort, but agreed with Imi we would have breakfast and see how 'we' feel. Reflecting on our adventure goals, and time availability, in the serenity of our 'island breakfast', renewed resolve took me back to the PDA to recreate the blog which is now on the blog. This time however, I did save the content every minute! Sending the email can also be trying: It generally takes 5 minutes of sat phone time to send a 'typical' blog email, and one has to wait, biting my nails, hoping I don't lose satellite connection at minute 4 or so, and have to start all over again. Not whining, just hope you feel truly appreciative of the 'fast, instant world, of normal land, that we mostly take for granted and even becoming of better. Imi and I often have heated discussions about wants, demands and needs. He believes wants are the source of human discontent, and I tell him wants are the basis of five star hotel business, and he has a right to want anything I can provide for him....It's only my pleasure and adds to his richer experience. He does agree but in his humble, simple needs way he has an understandable conflict! I think this is healthy.

Two reader questions for Imi:

1. How did he feel going through Five Fingers rapids?

Imi's response: "The rapids were not as scary as I thought they would be, but....

Before the main rapid we hit pretty rough water where there was lots of splashing and shaking of the canoe, and I had no visual clues as to how long this would last or whether it would get worse? I was in constant terror that the shaking would considerably increase and I would be toppled. I was mentally preparing myself for that eventuality. However to my intense relief nothing of the sort happened. Essentially, terror gets enhanced by lack of visual certification. All in all a fun experience....on reflection!"

2. How has this adventure as a blind man been different to the same route you did many years ago but as a sighted person?

Imi acknowledges the significance and interest of this question, knowing that it is one of the huge personal explorations of this trip, and he would like to share his reflections and conclusions with all, on this blog at the end of the trip from Dawson City. This should be really special....

Time to move on again...short paddle, sleep and then a long exciting night ahead...

H + I

Our Best Wildlife Day

A long day in almost perfect sunshine that had its unexpected events, a challenge to our team, great wild life, and took us more than 70 river kilometres downstream, ending with a huge thunderstorm.

The river terrain has changed substantially, from the mostly narrow, steep cliffed valleys, to now wide open, forested, almost flatland, with more distant mountains. This has enabled the river to regain some power in its struggle against the land's domination, and the result is a very wide river, sometimes 1.5 kilometres wide, but also a huge amount of sizeable, sometimes almost joined islands. This river terrain provides for multiple channel options, some taking one into a whole new world of micro river, very intimate, wilderness experience. Seeking a change, and desiring a bit of adventure, yesterday we took some very deviant excursions. These were rewarded with great micro, riverside scenery and a few special wild life experiences. The openness clearly is attractive to the bald eagles, as 'we' saw at least 10, but one viewing deserves special mention. Coming around a sharp, narrow river bend, that joined a chocolate brown Yukon tributary, there right in front of us, on the fast flowing river junctions, perched on an upturned spruce tree root was the most majestic eagle. Surrounded by fast flowing water, safely 1 metre above it, with wings half opened out, it was sunbathing in its seemingly private paradise. On entering the maze of channels, and sensing the more intimate wilderness closeness would produce special encounters I had fortunately asked Imi to don the video head camera. The camera was already rolling as we came upon the eagle, and with me describing to Imi the unfolding spectacle, calling out 'o'clock' numbers for him to 'look' in the direction of the numbers of the virtual clock that had 12 o'clock dead ahead, Imi captured the whole experience. Our first sighting, then the fast flowing approach to the eagles water encircled perch, to its final take off and grateful yet hurried departure. Simple stuff, just another bald eagle, but for us as a team out here in this wilderness this was special, and captured in Imi's comment as he stopped the video roll: "Hey, man that eagle was just fantastic." With my descriptions, his memories and new sensory appreciation he had 'seen' it all.

Our next wild life encounter was just as intimately special. Closer to the main river, and in more open, wider channels we had beached in search of a campsite, when we heard this loud 'plonk' in the water behind us, followed by a stampeding in water noise. Turning around I saw a mother moose had just jumped into the river, and was wading in the direction of an island a few hundred metres away. Close in pursuit were her two calves clearly not able to stand on the river bed like the mother they were falling behind The mother reached the island, searched for a place to climb up, and on finding one, dutifully waited for her young ones to catch up, showing them the way to dry ground. Imi heard the water commotion and one again I described aloud what I saw, and once again he 'saw' it all. This time, and in a in a similarly passionate tone, he said: "I just love this wilderness, man, eagles, moose, the river, the space, it’s just wonderful".

Later on we passed close by two deer, right on the river bank drinking, our relatively fast speed past them, clearly giving them confidence that we weren't a threat, as they just stood their ground and watched us go by.

The day did also bring our first major challenge to us as a team. We had set a plan to switch over to a night paddling routine for a day or so. This involved us stopping earlier than usual, 2 pm, having a hearty lunch, and then sleeping the afternoon, waking around 10 30pm, and starting paddling about 11pm. Yesterday was a very hot, virtually windless day, and I struggled to find a suitable, day sleeping campsite. The one I chose, was one Imi felt was totally inappropriate, as there was neither shade nor breeze. I told him, that with only spruce trees around, a high sun, and a generally windless day, his desired campsite was an unachievable fantasy. With my strong desire to experience paddling through the night, I'd told myself I could sleep anywhere, anytime for the prize, but with paradise in mind, Imi couldn't accept this seemingly sub standard, potentially sleepless site I had chosen. Lots of debating, questioning and, yes, arguing, ended in us, forgoing lunch and heading back onto the river in search of paradise. Well true to life, we couldn't find it, and the time searching eroded our sleep time, moving us back onto a normal day routine. We paddled on, beaching at 5 o'clock, just in front of a developing thunderstorm. Tent building was completed as the 1st big rain drops of a wild thunderstorm hit the tent roofs. One and a half hours solitary confinement for each of us as the storm passed over, gave us both wonderful reflection time, for a very mature, and bonding team discussion around the campfire, on what had gone wrong and how we could have done 'it' better. We both agreed that the central issue was our human desire for routine, and sticking with the familiarities and knows associated with the routines, rather than desiring of adaption to new circumstances required for new goals. New goals require new ways, adapting too foreign circumstances, rather than trying to recreate the mutually exclusive, and impossible, familiar. Team decision making was also talked about, and here much was learnt, as we delved into the conflict of interest I could have as firstly being Imi's trusted eyes, but secondly me being Howard the individual, with my own desires and goals. All interesting stuff and the basis for great bonding and personal learning. The five star hotel, with Imi back as the guest opened up again shortly after that, signally we were back to normal.

Earlier on in the day we had 3 hours of wilderness discussion about freedom, belonging and self identity, the three fascinating and interlinked life defining issues that are central to the book I have written. (Hmmm, still waiting the publisher's decision.) I have been slowly sharing with Imi my views on these three important life pieces, but yesterday he finally got it all, and passionately validated my life model, a very special day for me! And this is supposed to be a canoeing adventure. It's just absolutely wonderful that we can have all these diverse 'adventure' on one river trip! Imi, you are a special person, man!

Lastly from me: We did have an unexpected encounter with civilisation yesterday. River barges, graders, not sure what it was all about, but smells of some development intrusion, which is sad.

Imi's Reflection Insights

A question for all: Is earth in all its ancient splendor a worthy goal?

My encounter with the wild, open, natural Yukon, confirms my view that the destruction of the earth's environment is a travesty for which we are all responsible. Here is a question for you: Must we preserve vast wilderness if it comes at the price of prosperity and progress? Suppose we have only two options: Either we maximize prosperity in a depleted, stark, and degraded earth, where long term human survival is nevertheless possible, or humans lead simple, poor, and primitive lives in the midst of a glorious, green earth. Humanity requires that we eliminate poverty and provide opportunities for well being, for the many, but what if this results in environmental degradation?

Well, that is some big stuff to think about, and it may seem so grandiose and remote to one's day to day world, but when out here in the magnificent wilderness these questions seem very close and real.

Time to sign off... Another adventure day, I wonder what it will bring.....Hmmm, exciting!

H + I

Rapids, Sun, Swimming...Island Paradise

It was great to get back on the river and into the wilderness again. The first few kilometres were paddling around the large oxbow curves the river takes through Carmacks, under the steel bridge that we had walked over a couple of times in our missions to town, and the only means of road crossing of the river for hundreds of kilometres. Carmacks is the sort of central hub from where road travelers have to chose where they head for the next couple of hundred kilometres, and because of the single bridge there is no chance for correcting wrong choices. The Yukon Territory is a different place. One of the larger Canadian territories in area, but less than 35 000 inhabitants of which more than 32 000 live in either Whitehorse, Dawson City or Carmacks. This is a state of wide open space wilderness.

Leaving Carmacks the river flow slowed to an almost dam like stagnancy, increasing our expectancy for the awaiting Five Fingers Rapid, dam wall that lay some 30 kilometres downstream. Thirty years ago, Imi had had a traumatic experience on these rapids, after choosing the wrong 'finger' of the five, so I sensed a building level of apprehension as we approached them. One kilometre before we stopped to secure all our gear in the boat, Imi removing his potential anchor, walking boots, donning the head video camera, and then we were off for the challenge of the day. Final run through our paddling procedure and instructions for emergency direction changes, and the roar of the rapids became much louder as we came around the last river bend and the significant basalt towers of the rock gates that form the rapids appeared. Calling out what I could see, to try and give Imi the full experience, I shouted "300 metres to go, looking perfect and we must up our paddling tempo to have speed through the waves. It was exhilarating watching us hit the first standing wave, Imi taking lots of water in the bow, but paddling on unnerved, we bobbed and crashed our way, with a course that was straight as an arrow through the few hundred metres of standing waves, most of which were around 1.5 metres. Nothing for the experienced kayak paddler, but a little challenging in a fully laden open canoe with two, more than 90 kilogram, elderly citizens who watched as each wave noticeably added to the quickly rising water level inside the boat. Soon we were through the standing wave section, and as I said to Imi we were through it, he put his paddle down and punched the heavens in a display of both victory and relief. I lent forward and tapped him on the shoulder saying: "Well done mate, we did it", a special moment. As I leaned forward I felt how unstable the canoe was, now half fill with river. We nursed the boat downstream, struggling to paddle across stream to an idyllic island beach that eventually confirmed our endeavors were well rewarded. Bailing all the water from the boat was followed by a well deserved lunch and basking in the glorious sunshine of the day. A chance to dry a few pieces of wet clothing and take in the first real sunny day of our trip.

The rest of day's paddle was extremely pleasant, other than the strong Northerly wind; we enjoyed the ride in the smaller Rink rapids, and ended up doing 58 kilometres on the day. The river snakes its way north, and with the north wind, often as we rounded a bend, the full brunt of the north wind suddenly hit us, seemingly stopping the canoe in its tracks, and leaving me wandering whether there even was any river current helping us. Imi is largely oblivious to our pace across the ground, maybe a blessing in disguise on these headwind sections.

At around 5pm we beached on a small island, two hundred metres long, and right mid river, with gurgling river flowing both sides...the perfect overnight camp spot. Once the tents were up, coffee made, we had both stripped down and were enjoying skinny dipping in the still high in the sky, and quite fierce, sun. We both warmed up to the point were a swim in the icy water became a virtual 'next step'. It was a shock to the system, but a great way to celebrate our own special island paradise. What a difference the sun makes, this is just such pleasant canoeing and camping.

Still no real animal life, although we do see lots of ducks, birds and squirrels.

Conversation on the canoe has noticeably matured, and is more about looking for common ground of our initially thought, seemingly diametrically opposite person life philosophies. Imi has now conceded that my Life is a Series of Adventures approach is an attempt to establish a virtually continuous Zen like life. The setting and planning of the adventures although seemingly anti Zen, non now activities, being critical for delivering the 'in adventure' huge Zen moments, like we are now experiencing in the days on the river. Anyway, I hope this makes a bit of sense to some readers....It's hard to capture days of debate in a few lines. It's all been great fun though!

Imi's Moment of Reflection:

Nature's Beauty

What makes Nature so great?
Unquestionably the immensity of life forms and the multifarious strategies for survival are astonishing. However, this could be a cosmic accident brought about by natural selection over billions of years. But I'm not so sure. It appears to me that life is a creative upward moving force. Whenever life is given free reign nature in all its beauty and diversity finds expression. How rich, how beautiful are the coral reefs, the Amazon forests etc. The balance that nature achieves which we can only disturb and impair is exquisite and grand. This, however, doesn’t have to be so. Algae blooms, bacterias, and fungi could have predominated, but life aims for diversity and richness.

Leaving aside these metaphysical musings, what is undeniable, for humans who are receptive is that Nature speaks and responds to what is pure and grand in us.

Words of wisdom from an amazing blind outdoorsman.

Finally, another nature wonder: I described the island we are on, and its pretty much in the middle of a fast flowing part of the river 300 metres to either shore, definitely not swimmable for a human, unless you have a wetsuit and are ok making it to the river bank kilometres down stream. The island is really small, with no trees, just scrub. Well at the northern end I found reasonably fresh moose hoof prints, less than a week old!

That's it for today, time too pack up and head off, with another perfect looking day ahead. Over the next few days we will switch our day routine, so we get to paddle through the night for a unique experience. While it's night it's not really dark up at these latitudes, but we will share the story soon...

Thanks for all the emails, sorry satphone time means we can only respond when back in normal land. Keep them coming though; it motivates us to enrich these blog postings. Imi would love ANY questions, and he means ANY!

Take care

H + I

A Great Rest Day!

Still at Carmacks, a great relaxing day, and a wonderful last night’s sleep in a bed for a while....

It's a beautiful day today, blue sky, sun streaming through our window, birds chirping and even the squirrels are nattering in their sometimes confusing bird like calls. The forecast is for sunny weather for the 'next week', whatever that means....but sounds very promising!

Yesterday was very relaxing, so much so we are taking a bit of a blog break today....

Just to add: We have 400 kilometres in front of us to Dawson City, and we expect his will take about 7 days. We will probably take the opportunity to spend two nights at a special campsite we hope to find along the way. Other than that we will just be out in the solitude of the river paddling every day. We are both really looking forward to getting back to wilderness life.

Hold thumbs for us getting safely through Five Fingers Rapids. It's about 30 kilometres into the day today and should be fun.

Till tomorrow, take care

H + I

From a Different Environment…back to civilisation!

Today I sit here writing this blog in such a different 'space' to that of yesterday:

We reached the town of Carmacks at around 3pm, well the main campsite, invitingly named, Coal Mine campground, about a two kilometre walk to Carmacks. A really canoe friendly place, right on the river, and with just one vacant cabin left to rent, it seemed to be made for us. It wasn't that easy a decision though, so we grabbed a cuppa coffee, two delicious cinnamon rolls and thought through our options testing them against the original overall adventure mission. Would two nights in a cosy cabin versus tenting detract from our experience, and our sense of personal triumph. Was this a copout we would later regret. Imi has this powerful concept that we need a personal 'struggle' (challenge) and that the sense of personal triumph we get from overcoming the challenge gives us 'personal height', and the main goal in life is to increase one's personal height. Very importantly this height is within and is not relative to others. So....

We both agreed the cabin option was right in line with our adventure goal, acknowledging it would reduce our level personal struggle, but would enhance our overall experience by providing us with two relaxing days immersed in the Carmacks and campsite community.

The deal was done, and so last night saw us going to bed on normal beds with fresh clean sheets and a mosquito free environment. As fate has it, by the late afternoon the clouds had moved off, replaced by blue sky and a delightful sunshine, so the roof over our heads never got the chance to bring back thoughts of the challenges of all too familiar pitter patter of our tent days.

A bit about yesterday's canoeing on the river:

For those that are following our adventure on Google earth, you will see the tortuous path the Yukon takes. Even with its power and size, the mountainous terrain mostly dominates, forcing the river around its many bluffs, and ranges. Often the river has a small win breaking through less robust land areas forming islands that provide evidence of the ongoing battle of nature. Yesterday's river section was prominent in both the plethora of islands we encountered and the impressive bluffs. The islands providing us with route choices that often saw us virtually having to paddle up stream to reach our chosen channel. I think Imi thought I chose these canoeing challenges on purpose so I could move our team into 'maximum power', fastest paddling cadence mode to satisfy my speed / competitive needs! Often I'd be shouting: "Faster, faster, we are only just going to make it" I was always impressed by the power the two us paddling at full speed were able to produce, but how long it was sustainable for, was something I didn't dare suggest or test...This wasn't what Imi signed up for! Sensing I needed to assist with motivation I'd call out the metres we still had to go before we were 'safely' across the counter flow and in our current of desire. Imi would always ask, what was that all about, and I guess I had to admit it was not a critical, or necessary excursion, rather an irresistible challenge to take a seemingly better inter island channel. Better, sometimes being faster flowing, but other times being more scenic, and even other times being more tranquil. These options providing decision freedom from the rigor of racing where the search is only for the quickest route, being the fastest flowing, most direct channel. The river is fascinating in that its size makes for complexity of flow patterns that often defy the flow rules of lesser size rivers.

One of the truly dominant bluffs, that will forever remain in charge of the Yukon's course is the very impressive, probably 800m high Eagle's Nest Bluff, which we passed yesterday. A huge piece of impressive, light grey granite like rock, scarred with orange rock caves, with a singularly huge cave right below its peak....Maybe the home of the eagles! Interestingly, I saw only my second bald eagle of this trip, perched in a tree at river level just below the cave. Running down from this apex cave almost to river level was a narrow gorge, packed with spruce completing this vibrant grey, orange, and green piece of nature's special artwork.

Twice we were surprised by the 'plop' and large splash of a sizeable fish jumping out of the water quite near us, but both times we were too late to see what it was.

Generally though I have been disappointed in the amount of wildlife, the best being the water birds.

On approaching Carmacks, we encountered our first signs of present civilisation in the form of sporadic hill billy housing next to the river, and a fisherman, standing knee deep on the side of the river bank. The map wasn't 100% clear on which side of the river the town of Carmacks was and so I decided to pass close buy this guy and ask him. After a brief exchange about his lack of fishing success, he told us confidently that Carmacks was on the right river bank. This confirmed what Imi's 30 year memory bank recalled, so this set our approach and campsite selection. The river is so wide and fast flowing that correcting a wrong approach choice, would see one missing Carmacks and beaching somewhere undesirable downstream.

On landing at our campsite, and walking to the office, lo and behold we bumped into our fisherman, who has turned out to be our cabin neighbour. Small world, in a real small world, but it was to get even smaller..... His name is Don, and on establishing I was South African and clearly making some assumptions about Imi, when we asked him where he came from, he started by describing Canada, and laboriously 'taking us' to North West Territory, say he lives 'there'. Surprising him I said I have spent a lot of time in Yellowknife, in NWT, he then, still not expecting me to know where it was, said he was from Hay River. Well when training for the North Pole, I used to ski from Yellowknife across Great Slave Lake to Hay River. Hmm, now this is a very small, difficult to access village that attracts a unique type of person...Don! We shared a few stories about the area, and he then wanted to know about our canoe trip and how we had managed the UPSTREAM paddle from Whitehorse!! He seemed very surprised when we told him the river flowed the other way, North. A very nice, basic good bloke, as they say in Aussie, and we bade him a temporary good bye as we moved into our 'luxury' cabin, and then headed off on the 2km to explore 'town'.
An interesting walk past an Athabascan settlement, but then suddenly before we had hit town, the road connected to the huge steel bridge that crosses the Yukon, and the town isn't yet in sight.... It's on the other right bank, the one called the left one! Don must be upside down in his world, definitely not a good trait for a tour guide job! I guess he does come from Hay River!

Town was as expected of a town of around 600 people. Imi and I had a very memorable dinner at the Carmacks Hotel's, very rustic, and true to character, Gold Panner Restaurant. The dinner being memorable in our light hearted reflections of the journey so far, the observations of the rich characters in the restaurant, rather than the quality of the food, and the far from adequate service from our irritatingly, nervous and unapologetic German waitress. Not taking it all too seriously we truly, often breaking out in loud laughter, had a fun evening. I sense we both felt highly content and hugely satisfied with how the adventure had so far panned out, and how our friendship had progressed.

Imi has been getting to appreciate the role of this blog in our adventure, and after a few days of thinking through how he would like to contribute directly, today he brings you what will be a regular contribution: (Below I have typed exactly the words he dictated to me)

Imi's Wondering as a Wanderer:

Today's Reflection:

The Fullness of Living and the Presence of Danger

"Yes, I felt the fullness of the present, the pregnant, throbbing present, as I experienced the wind and the waves, the vastness of the ever fresh nature. The kind of fear we experience in cities bars us from experiencing the fullness of the living present. In cities, requirements and conditions have to be met, goals achieved, and expectations fulfilled, for securing even our basic needs. In nature I can experience its glorious-ness now. The fear that we may not come up with what is required for us to succeed, demoralizes humans in cities, but vast wilderness is also scary. This fear somehow does not paralyze. Rapids, freezing rivers, lurking bears, and hurricane winds are a constant threat in the wilderness. No preparation can provide adequate defenses against these, but this fear is a spur, whose overcoming, empowers and is the source of personal triumph. The consciousness of our helplessness in the presence of this vast cosmos only adds to the fullness of the present. "

Back to our canoe trip:

We will spend another night in our cabin, then head off tomorrow, with the first day going to present us with our biggest white water rapid challenge: Five Fingers rapids, where an error in theory could be fatal, but more likely adventure ending with the loss of the canoe, something I, and a few of you readers would have had the misfortune of experiencing in the past! This won't happen this time!

More from Carmacks, including a few rare and collector potential blog photos, tomorrow...!

Be good

H + I

Day 5: A Big Day…

It's 5h30 on the start of Day 6, the all too familiar pitter patter of rain on the tent roof, but today quite a bit is different:

We are camped out on a small island, maybe 400 metres long and 50 metres wide. It has impenetrable dense bush all over it other than 10 metres right at the downstream northern tip. That's where we are. The Yukon is rushing by with a therapeutic gurgle on the one side of our cape, and a much more gentle flow down the other side meets almost where Imi's tent ends. My tent is almost backed on to his, and we have less than 10cm of freeboard, before rising waters would make our campsite no more. Why camp there you may ask..? Firstly, this section of the river has either very steep and high earthen banks, or thick forest right down to the water’s edge, so is not suitable for camping, but secondly this is a very special spot.

The other difference with today is being so close to Imi's tent, I was treated to a night of snoring (and more!) entertainment! All good boys stuff, reminding me of my sailing days, with some of you snorers from those days reading this blog!

Yesterday was a great day from a progress and river appreciation perspective. We covered more than 80 river kilometres, spending 10 hours out there including a few breaks. The one break being quite a bit longer as the others as Imi and I engaged in a fairly emotional debate about my favourite subject, Risk, and how the lack of understanding of Risk was the real cause of the financial crisis. It is really great having these discussions on such a wide range of subjects and at a philosophical level. Often the debate is taken down to our real situation on the river to make a point, which sometimes adds a dose of sobriety!

The river has really expanded in width often being close to a kilometre wide. One really gets the sense of its immense power, and regional significance.

The paddling day was cool and overcast, and mostly free of rain, but true to form on setting up camp it began to rain, making for a short dinner and straight into our tents. Interestingly we saw an abandoned canoe wreck on the side of the river, both of us wondering how that could have happened, but a reminder of the fact that we are on an adventure.

We are paddling well together, now that I have capitulated to Imi's Zen based, time is not an issue, pace. We had a long discussion about paddling cadence and what sets our paddling pace. A discussion I have had with Ruth (another Zen adventurer) on our joint adventures many times before, so am well versed with the arguments. Eventually we agreed that Imi's cadence (strokes per minute) is the sustainable pace for him, and so that is the team pace. In exchange he offered to give me free Zen classes!! I did remind him that without the non Zen vision and planning of this trip we wouldn't be on the Yukon! I think I almost have him adopting some 'Life as a series of Adventures' approaches!

Interestingly on the trip so far, we have been so engaged in discussion that we have had very little time 'in the zone' in our own worlds as normally happens on solo pursuits, but both agree that the second half should deliver more of that. Our discussion time has built a huge level of openness and trust in each other and we both feel we have the basis for a truly deep friendship, which is very special.


By the end of today we should be in the town of Carmacks, the halfway point, and some 60 kilometres from here.

Today's insight into Imi's blind world brings a sad perspective but one which we have now made a source of light heartedness. With me doing most of the campsite work on the adventure, and necessarily helping him when he or the team needs it, he is accepting and almost overly thankful. For example, when I ask him whether he wants tea or coffee, it used to be, "Oh only if you are making, and then whatever you are making". I can see the situation from his perspective, how he feels he is burdening me, and with work load so unevenly split, how can he ask for something that needs more work. The thank you’s beyond the norm confirmed the same feeling of burden, and so early on we discussed this. I asked him if it was the way I was behaving that made him feel like that, or was it just the dependency factor that made him feel uncomfortable. He confirmed it was only the latter and I told him how I didn't see it like that and my extra load was part of my personal challenge on this adventure, and him having a great experience my goal. To help the situation and get him to almost demand what he wants we now use the five star hotel analogy. He is the five star hotel guest and me a variety of service providers working for the hotel. Every time he 'over thanks' me I say: "Sir, remember you are a guest of this 5 star hotel, it's my pleasure to help you, and I don't expect thanks" on the team and coffee issue, I say, "Sir, as a valued guest to our five star hotel you can have whatever you want, whenever you want, so what would you like. The analogy works well, often is the source of much laughter, really helping the essentially sad feeling of a 2nd class citizen. As I said to Imi, I can see how hard it must be accepting all the time, and my personality would struggle a huge amount, so I know it's not easy even as a five star hotel customer. To help I also explain to him how much he is giving me, and so although it may not be obvious, all is in balance.

With the pitter patter unabated I will now sign off and deal with the preparation of breakfast in the drizzle and then packing up a wet tent, before we get to the peace of being out on the river again. It’s strange how one gets to a point of not just acceptance but enjoying being in the rain outdoors. Cycling in Patagonia made me appreciate this seemingly bizarre experience.

Take care

H + I

Day 4: Four Seasons in One Day

Yesterday we covered a good 60 river kilometres, spending six and a half hours out there in very varied river and weather conditions. Most of the day on the river we were in light rain, and cold conditions, that made it quite challenging. We stopped for a very pleasant lunch at a deserted cabin, still around from the early 1900's mining days. This was right at the confluence with the sizeable Teslin River. Being a bit wet from the constant rain on the river, we were both pretty cold as we climbed back into the canoe to paddle a river that was now twice the size, in volume of water. Within half an hour of paddling we were back up to temperature and full of the joys of being out in this special wilderness.

Further evidence of the old mining days, was the just exposed deck of SS Klondike, a larger steamer that ran aground and sunk in 1936. It was quite special paddling close by. In fact in trying to get too close to it we had a close shave that required us to paddle at a new record rate for a few minutes to avoid us being pushed onto the wreck...all good fun, and helped warm us up!

I saw a beaver in the river, my first bald eagle, majestically perched on the top of a tree at the river edge. Lots of ducks as usual, and a lovely pair of Canadian geese with their weeks old chick.

We decided to overnight on this largish island, which attracted us for its lack of mosquitoes, and great beach camp spot. What a great place it turned out to be, probably also helped by the wonderful change in weather. The sun came out strongly, rare blue sky appeared, and when we went to bed at 11pm our tents were like saunas inside, and thankfully all our gear dry. After the usual richly diverse conversation, spirits were very high, and Imi was talking about how nice it's going to be 'tomorrow'. Having had a wild weather Yukon experience on my 2008 bicycle adventure, and in my 'pessimistic realist' approach, I added: "Don't leave any dry stuff outside, one never knows here, it could rain in the night". Hmmm, around 3 am the pitter patter on my tent roof started, and here I sit 630am and it’s still raining lightly. This is life in the Yukon, one never knows, and should expect to deal with all the seasons, all the time.

I walked around our island and was quite surprised to find fairly new moose and bear tracks, and one dead squirrel!

Amazed at Imi's genuine love and deep appreciation of the outdoors, I was curious to know how, as a person without sight, he experiences this Yukon wilderness, so around the fire last night I asked him.

It became clear, and he agreed that his past sighted visit here helps him a lot experience the environment. The visions and experiences of the past and his sightless, yet rich sensory experience of today, form what he calls a seamless, combined holistic experience that would seem to verge on that of a sighted first time visitor. As he spoke I became clear there was more to it though. Fascinatingly, he said with the sound, smell and 'feel', he can sense the vastness of this wilderness, going on to say that this vastness is a cumulative thing. Each day on the river expands his feeling of vastness, and by day 5 or 6 he expects this feeling to have reached its plateau which represents the true wilderness immensity of the Yukon. I could relate totally to this, and as many would know, it's hard to describe the feeling of the REAL big, wide open outdoors. In the day to day specifics there is little of true and specific specialness, but in their collective there is something truly awesome.

I feel I am falling short in not publishing photos on the blog, but somehow a few photos would devalue the portrayal of this experience of vastness, and remoteness one feels out here. I have experienced this many times before, but this is really the first time on a river, a river of such expansive vastness.

Imi goes on to explain that being out here for him gives him a feeling of antichronism, a feeling where not only time doesn't matter, but a feeling so opposite to normal busy life where often time is central to each day's rush and sometimes drudgery. This situation in the wilderness is such a rarity, that it oddly feels a luxury.

He goes on to explain that in normal city life, blind people lack mobility, and as such find it hard to escape the sounds and busy-ness of suburban life, their choice of environment is very restricted and dependant on others, but out here one is in that escape environment virtually all the time, and there is peace. The ability to move on one’s own in the peace of the outdoors is very special. The sounds and rhythms of the eternity of nature and the outdoors, the wind, waves, flowing water, call of the ducks, etc gives him a sense of exhilaration that takes him away from the exact opposite, contrast superficiality of the ever changing, busy city world.

Finally, sadly he says being in the great outdoors, makes him feel less alienated. Adding that blind people are shut off from much of normal, and often feel like strangers in their own communities, but out here he feels a real oneness with nature, and a huge degree of at home-ness that he never does in his home town...

Following on this theme, in the hours paddling in the rain yesterday, I thought about the canoe race that will start from Whitehorse on the 29th June and finish at Dawson City, taking the same course we are doing. Imi and I have had many debates about competition, belonging, people's motives, and in the past I have competed in many similar events. I honestly concluded that for me I must either compete seriously in the race, or do what I am doing with Imi or alone. My desire to compete has waned as I concluded that competition requires others to reference one’s happiness or triumph, and as such has the potential to be imprisoning or hollow, the real personal triumph for me is dealing with my fears and the aloneness of myself or maybe just one other, eg with Imi. Doing something so special like these 75
kms of the Yukon is not a social event for me, it's as Imi portrayed, a deep spiritual experience only possible without the clutter of others. Anyway, I have moved a long way from those old days, but I can truly see for me the personal value in being able to be at one with oneself in the vastness of the REAL big outdoors like the Yukon.

The rain has now stopped, time for me to cook breakfast, and then we will head out for probably a 7-8 hour day on the river.

Till tomorrow.....Bye!

Finally the Real Yukon…

After the cold and rainy start to day 3, by 10h30 there was a break in the clouds and we took the gap to excitedly set off on the short distance to connect to the start of the real river flowing out of Lake Lebarge. Being the morning dishwasher, Imi had suffered from cold hands, and so was warmly clothed, and I was dressed in full rain gear ready for a possible wet day ahead.

It was just great getting into the deep green flowing river, and with mostly steep, tree lined, earthen riverbanks either side, there was this wonderful sense of tunneled solitude. Progress was noticeably faster than the still lake, and the need for my 'J' stroke intervention less important as we drifted, sometimes lazily with the current.

U.S. Bend was fun as we stuck on the fast flowing outer course, bobbing in the gentle rapids. I saw a moose calf down at the river, but it took off before we were alongside it. I also saw quite a few varieties of duck, but generally I was hoping for more wildlife, definitely bald eagles, but just seagulls so far, and let's hope that the next days bring more viewings.

This 30 mile section is very beautiful in its riverbanks, forestation and green river, a beauty and associated solitude that is hard to convey in photos, but is so apparent from the seat of our moving canoe. It moves me, when every so often, Imi just shouts out: "I just love this!" He really does, it's just so fantastic to see how he feels the river and the special parts. He somehow knows when it's special. This '30 mile section' is special and so we decided to go slow and take two days enjoying it. We will pay later with long days soon to get our daily average back to what we need to complete in our plan, but today it felt good. We stopped at a beautiful small island, only to find it was owned by mosquitoes, huge, aggressive ones too. At least I wasn't bombed this time.

We found a wonderful campsite location, hidden in an aspen forest, just as the river splits around another, larger island. Tent building time produced our first major team camping challenge, and one I was anticipating, but had put off preparing for...Building Imi's architectural masterpiece, but engineering disaster in the rain. After a wonderful rain free paddle, the rain started half way into Imi's daily tent building challenge. I knew I should have practised building his complex tent, so I could shortcut the up time if there was rain, but just looking at the complex poles and structure, and seeing his solo resolve, made me delay it each day. Well today we got caught out: Rain teaming down, Imi clearly having one pole in the wrong sleeve, I stepped in 'subtly demanding' that we abort the erection and seek refuge in my, already erected two person tent until the rain stopped. I sensed Imi, initially felt he had had his favourite puzzle unfairly, taken away, but as I explained the rapidly deteriorating situation, and once inside my tent he agreed with the intervention. It rained pretty hard, for a couple of hours, resulting in us resorting to an unplanned luxury afternoon nap. We both awoke with the silence of no rain on the tent roof, and I was soon getting my overdue lesson in putting his tent together. Gee, I was impressed how he knew and felt his way around its corners and tent pole sleeves, but with three lots of three tent sleeve intersections to contend with, one, easy to make, wrong sleeve choice takes one down a frustrating insoluble puzzle that only becomes apparent with the last pole! Always determined, Imi is a model for patience and methodicalness, as long as it's not raining!

The rain has largely held off, and after yet another stimulating two hour philosophical debate we headed out for a walk in the wilds. With no path, and terrain vary from river boulders, to lake marsh, to aspen forest, Imi was in his element. He is a natural and his passion and love for being out in the wild is just so inspiring. He insists on walking without being connected to me, and is quite happy walking into the odd bush / tree for that freedom. I describe the terrain and scenery, and he just responds with: "I just love this". We passed some old bear scat, so maybe a viewing isn't far off. The area we walked with a few ponds and open grassland does seem to have potential for wild life viewings and so we will check it out again before we finally leave. We did practise bear safe procedures last night when setting up to go to bed...Just in case!

I sense the weather will remain challenging for the next few days, but with long days on the canoe and my Ruth's poncho a wonderful rain protector while paddling, I have no doubt we will find an unlikely, newly discovered, heaven out there on the Great River North.

Now to a more sobering subject: The day Imi, went blind!

Sitting around a roaring fire, next to the flowing river, me drinking a Yukon Jack, aptly named "The black sheep of the whisky family", and with a human toe, the other key component of 'Sour toe", Imi emotionally told me his scary and sobering story:

Being born with the genetic eye disease Retinitis Pigmentosa, he was destined to lose all or most of his sight sometime during his life. By early 2006 he was having periods of challenging vision, almost always associated with extended exposure to bright light, eg snow etc. These were always temporary situations, where his sight returned within hours of the end of the bright light exposure.

This evening in late March 2006 he was enjoying dinner out at a restaurant with a female friend. She was sitting in front of a bright light, and in desiring of staying connected to the conversation he was forced to deal with the back light. Starting to feel excruciating pain in his eyes, he couldn't continue the evening, and asked his friend to take him home, thinking this was another temporary situation just needing removal of his eyes from any form of light.

He got home, went straight to bed, thinking the morning would bring a return of his sight as usual. He tells me he did sense this pain was unusual, but he was in complete denial that it could be more serious. He woke at 6am to a sightless situation, but in the confusion and associated hallucinations he concluded he was having a bad dream, and now needed to go back to sleep.

He awoke again at 9am, and to the same sightless world, but this time he felt this feeling of "the deepest agony and being totally alone, and beyond help". He tried meditation, but it never helped. He thought of phoning the ambulance to take him to hospital, but his denial came back and he put his hope in more time. After a lonely and fearful 12 hours without talking to anyone, and moving between shock and denial, finally at 9pm that night he phoned the ambulance to take him to hospital in St Paul, Minnesota. There the ophthalmologist confirmed his worst fears: He had lost his sight forever. He says nothing can prepare one for this devastating news, and the state of mind that flows from it. In a matter of hours his whole life had changed dramatically forever.

He had deep pain within, but the source of the pain was not about his inability to read or teach as one would maybe think, it was this feeling of being crushed. He would now be seen as a handicapped person, and this was humiliating, as he would now depend on others for help. There was this feeling of despair, as he felt he had been relegated to the ranks of beggars.

Imi openly shared with me how he seriously contemplated suicide, even selecting in his mind the rope in his garage he would use to hang himself. It initially seemed better to die proudly, but three thoughts kicked in taking away from this lowest of low point:

Firstly, he said life is about feelings and pain, and in have this extreme pain he was extremely alive, and so dealing with it was to part of living, and somehow the spirit of life will give him something. Secondly, it was midterm at university and he had many students who had paid for his tuition, and he couldn't let them down. Thirdly, he couldn't disgrace his family by an act of cowardice.

In talking through all this with me, Imi was very strong and clear on his recall, but tears often streamed down his cheeks as he spoke. I repeatedly asked him if he wanted to continue and if he was happy blogging this, and each time he answered passionately "of course, I like this". Here is a man who has clearly conquered something few of us would ever understand, and with the 'darkness' behind him, was at peace sharing his pain of those days.

He went on to tell me that the hardest thing to deal with was his first day walking onto the campus with his white walking cane. He felt humiliated and being judged as now some lesser person.

In reflection he added:

"Humans are infinitely adaptable, managing the mind to not only tolerate disaster, but to even see positives within it. Each door that closes opens a new one"

For me listening to the story, and having now lived with Imi for three days, I was deeply affected by my virtual arrogance at taking my non-disabled position for granted, and relying on a fragile, no true basis sense of invincibility, as my antidote to experiencing his level of pain. Every hour I am painfully reminded of his restricted world, often disappointed at myself for not having put myself in his shoes and been more proactive in helping him have a better experience. All humbling yet valuable life learning and 'we' thought this was a river canoeing trip, hey!

Back to the river, the start of day 4 has brought an overcast cool morning, with some glimpses of sunlight, and we are hopeful for a long but pleasant day on the river.

We have only done some 70 kilometres of the more than 700, but today should see a big step change.

Off to cook breakfast...

Take care...

H + I

What a Difference a Day Makes

A full day since I was writing yesterday's blog, and here I sit in my tent, the patter of rain on its roof a reminder that nature is largely in charge of our experience on this adventure.

The paddle yesterday was in very warm almost perfect conditions, and we took the direct route to the Yukon River outlet at the northwest end of the lake. This meant we crossed the lake; something not recommended because of the icy water, but on a day like yesterday, it was virtually without risk.

After almost two days of truly amazing solitude we did come across another group of canoeists right at the end of the day. We had planned to overnight at the start of the river proper (the end of the lake) and they fortunately carried on, returning us to our heavenly state of solitude.

For all those dealing with the short southern hemisphere winter days, it's almost 24 hour days here. After a wonderful deep crimson red sunset, and dusk that lasted through to midnight, a huge wind came through around 2 am, needing me to go outside and make sure the canoe was out of reach of the sizeable waves that were developing. The rain followed shortly, and soon I felt very snug inside my sleeping bag, head on my wonderful soft, 'I love Canada' pillowcase made by Balese my special friend from Ethiopia, who was part of the Brooks Junior High School I visited last week. (thank you Balese!) The noise of the crashing waves completing that real outdoor adventure specialness.

Our campsite is right at the river outlet, and the, soon to be experienced, current is a pleasure to watch as it flows past the last bit of lake bank. There is a small island just off our lake bank, and I paddled across on my own to explore the rowdy seagull colony. Well if I thought it was rowdy from our campsite, as I beached the canoe, war was declared, with all available sea gulls called to air to defend their sea gull land. The reason was the presence of many couple week old chicks, and the noise and air attack was impressive. The star fighter pilot finally won, the perfect dive bomb, dropping a huge, slimy turd all over my shirt, and sealing my decision to retreat!

The day paddling although short in distance was a bit tough mentally, as the sore muscles from the day before and our route far from the lake shore created the optical illusion (only for me!) of us making very poor progress. Imi confirmed that due to his lack of visual reference points, he didn't struggle at all, and felt we had gone at the same pace as the day before. He also reflected on how much easy the mental side was versus the 1st time he paddled Lake Lebarge. Maybe competing blindfolded in endurance events is the key to new personal bests!

The day started with a challenging experience for Imi. We had agreed that on day 2, he would have a chance to take the back seat and see if he would be able to steer a straight course, with minimal intervention from me. Having paddled solo many times, and desiring of the confirmation that his loss of sight hadn't taken away his ability to steer the boat, I could sense how important this 1st ever trial would be for Imi. Sensing it would probably be impossible, I delayed the trial to Day 2, using Day 1 to try and get him to assimilate steering by telling me when he thought I was off course. He made me feel hopeful, when he told me he could just make out the shape of the mountain skyline as it ran parallel to the lake shore, but knowing the need to constantly make small course corrections, I felt he had an impossible task ahead. Who was I to judge and with his huge optimism, and my hope that somehow a sixth human sense would present itself, we agreed that he would start Day 2 in the back seat. I really wanted this to work, and reconciled myself to foregoing trip progress in favour of spending the time and patience to help him achieve what in my view would be a truly remarkable human achievement. His optimism and determination were amazing.

The hour that followed with him in charge was both filled with huge moments of hope, jubilation, but also despair and disappointment. We tried everything, and there were times where we went straight for a couple of hundred metres with his obvious feel and control, without my intervention but this was inevitably followed by a patch of tortuous way off course wandering. We didn't give up, with time not an issue on the day, I encouraged him to persist, not worrying about me or how I felt. I watched on desperate for some new inspiration or innovative technique, as Imi started dealing with the reality that he was on a hugely disappointing impossible mission. He finally accepted the reality, suggesting we beach the canoe and swap positions. I sensed we had both lost something, Imi's loss much greater, and I attempted to console him by adding that he could use the day ahead to try and work out what he could do better, and then we would try again another day.

Last night around the fire he shared with me how devastating the reality of this experience had been. He said humans, and particularly disabled ones, just want to find out new things they can do. Discovering what you can't do is such a blow and filled with helplessness and disappointment. Sobering stuff, and makes one feel obliged to use all the desire and commitment energy we have to conquer things where we have the faculty capability but sometimes lack the free to access willpower. Here was a man who had will power beyond most normal faculty people, but he was cut short by a faculty gap not of his own doing.

Half way across the lake, probably in our attempt to move things on, Imi asked me about my loss of sense smell, and how smell is probably our least critical sense. I mumbled along about the inconveniences, trying to elevate this sense loss closer to his one by talking about how my lack of sense of smell was 'quite' critical when sailing solo, with diesel, gas etc around, but the comparisons were embarrassingly irrelevant, and his point had been made. He then asked me whether I thought blindness or deafness was worse. He has clearly asked many this question, and with a seemingly high level of authority told me that generally women say deafness is the worse, and men say blindness. His conclusion being that women are bigger communicators and need to hear, while men need mobility to feel powerful, and blindness takes away mobility.... Oh well, let’s be thankful for all we have today.

The plan today is to do around half of the 1st 'thirty mile section' of the big river north. All my readings say that this thirty mile section is the best on the whole river, so we want to savour it, not getting carried away doing huge miles because of our new found help from the flowing river. The river will be quite narrow (50-100m) in this section, and flowing at 5-6 km/h. There is a very tortuous section that includes a bend called U.S. Bend, being a combination of a 'U' and 'S' bend. Should be fun....

Just hope the rain stops and things warm up again....

The next blog will have the story about the day Imi lost his sight forever....a very sobering one, but one full of lessons and inspiration for all of us....

H and I